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Point of View
HMG has one basic recommendation regarding point of view: Pick one and stick to it.
This does not mean you have to use one character's POV for the entire story. This does mean you have to use one character's POV for an entire scene. What is a scene? Well, technically, scene is a term used in plays, films, or television. When HMG says "scene," she means a bunch of paragraphs and dialogue strung together between breaks. In other words, a section of your story wherein the action and/or dialogue occurs without a break, and usually without a change of location.
For those who may not know what POV (point of view) is--and HMG knows there are some of you out there--she will explain. Point of view is the means by which the readers see the scene you have written. Point of view is the camera lens through which they peer. While it is possible to use an "omniscient" POV, in which the viewpoint character is the author (also known as God) and therefore knows everything that goes on in every character's head simultaneously, it is preferable to use the POV of one character per scene. This means that the readers see only what the POV character sees, and know only what the POV character knows. This also means that the readers are placed directly into the mind of the POV character and can see his thoughts. The writer must remember that, unless he is telepathic, the POV character cannot hear the thoughts of another character; and that, unless he is gazing into a mirror, the POV character cannot see himself. Switching back and forth from one character's head to another as the scene progresses is confusing to the readers. Don't do it. Oh, and don't do the mirror thing, either, it's a dreadful cliché. If you need to describe how the character looks, use someone else's POV in the next scene or rethink whose POV you want to use in the current one.
Bad:
Blair looked at Jim, wondering what was going on in his partner's head. Jim glared at him and he blushed, his blue eyes looking away. Was Jim mad at him?
Worse:
Blair wondered what was going on in Jim's head. Jim glared at Blair, and the kid blushed, his blue eyes looking away. Was Jim mad at him?
Good (Blair's POV)
Blair wondered what was going on in Jim's head. Jim glared at him, and he looked away, his face burning. Was Jim mad at him?
Good (Jim's POV):
Blair was giving him the puppy-dog gaze again. Forget it, Sandburg, you're not getting out of this one that easily. Jim glared at him, and the kid blushed, blue eyes sliding away.
Final note. Unless you are using the omniscient POV, never use any variation of "Little did he know." This includes, "He would soon wish." If the POV character doesn't know it, right now, you can't say it. And if you can't find some other way to build suspense, HMG will whap your knuckles with a ruler.
Point
of View
Names, Pronouns, Descriptive
Phrases
Plurals, Numbers, and Apostrophes