Dialogue
Names, Pronouns, Descriptive
Phrases
Plurals, Numbers, and Apostrophes
| <-Tense |
Dialogue
Ah, dialogue. Sit back and relax, this will take a while.
- Know your characters
- Every time someone different speaks, start a new paragraph.
- Make sure the readers know who is talking.
- "Said" is a perfectly good word.
- Punctuate, punctuate, punctuate.
- Internal Dialogue
Know your characters
If you have invented your own characters, you may have them speak any way you like, as long as it sounds natural for the time and place in which they exist. If you are using someone else's characters, take care to use them properly. Study them. Learn their speech patterns. If you are writing a contemporary story, the characters will use contractions when they speak. Listen.
Bad example: Good example: "Jim, you are not communicating effectively," Blair said. "I cannot comprehend your meaning."
"Jim, man, you're not making any sense," Blair said. "I can't understand what you're talking about."
Every time someone different speaks, start a new paragraph.
Bad example: Good example: "Jim, are you sure?" Blair asked. "Yeah, I'm sure." "Really?" "Yes, Sandburg, really." "Jim, are you sure?" Blair asked.
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"Really?"
"Yes, Sandburg, really."
(HMG understands that sometimes html formatting does strange things to paragraph breaks, and forgives writers for problems over which they have no control.)
Make sure the readers know who is talking.
But don't overdo it. If only two people are talking, you need only identify them occasionally, so the readers can keep them straight. If more than two people are talking, you need to tell the readers who is saying what when. Examples:
Two people:
"Jim, I don't get it," Blair said.
Jim raised an eyebrow. "Don't get what, Chief?"
"This case, man. It doesn't make any sense."
"Here it comes. Sandburg, what part of 'case closed' don't you understand?"
Three people:
"I don't get it," Blair said.
Jim raised an eyebrow. "Don't get what, Chief?"
"This case, man. It doesn't make any sense."
"Here it comes," Simon groaned. "Sandburg, what part of 'case closed' don't you understand?"
"Said" is a perfectly good word.
It tells the readers what they need to know. It is not necessary to rack your brain trying to find a substitute for "said," or for "asked." It is not even necessary to use "said," except to tell the readers who is speaking (see 3), or to provide a pause between dialogue. Use words other than "said" only when you find it necessary to describe to the readers how the words are being spoken because the dialogue itself does not make that clear. And please remember, if you must use "replied," that your character can only reply if he is answering a question.
Examples:
"Don't do that," Blair said.
"Don't do that," Blair pleaded.
"Don't do that," Blair ordered.
"Don't do that!" Blair screamed.
Okay, HMG cheated with the exclamation point. But that leads us to...
Punctuate, punctuate, punctuate.
Here's how, in six easy lessons.
- When you describe how the dialogue is spoken, that description is part of the same sentence as the dialogue. When the description comes after the dialogue, end the dialogue with a comma, and put a period after the description. When the description comes before, put a comma after the description.
Bad example: Good example: "I don't want to." Blair said.
And
Blair said. "I don't want to."
"I don't want to," Blair said. Or
Blair said, "I don't want to."
Second Good Example: "Blair, you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen," she said. *
- If the dialogue is a question or an exclamation, the same rule applies to the description.
(Notice "she" is not capitalized here, because it is part of the same sentence as the dialogue.)
| Example: | Second Example: | |
|
"Leave me alone!" Blair screamed. |
"What are you doing?" he asked. |
- If what comes before, after, or between the dialogue is not a description of how the words are spoken, it must be treated as a separate sentence, and the first word must be capitalized.
Bad Example: Good Example: "You can't do that," Jim walked away from her.
"You can't do that." Jim walked away from her.
Or
"You can't do that," Jim said, walking away from her.
Bad Example: Good Example: "I like that," the anthropologist smiled, "It feels good."
I like that." The anthropologist smiled. "It feels good."
Second Good Example: "What is that?" She peered into the box, and screamed, "Oh, my God!"
Or (since it should be obvious from the dialogue how she is saying it)
"What is that?" She peered into the box. "Oh, my God!"
- Don't overuse exclamation points! Never, ever do this! If you do it too often, the readers will cease to become excited by them! Use them only when you have to! And never use more than one!!!
This also applies to using bold, italics, or underlining for emphasis. Too much, and they no longer mean anything.
- Dashes and ellipses. Ellipses are used when the dialogue is trailing off. If the dialogue trails off, then picks up again, use three periods. If the dialogue trails off without an end, use four periods (actually, an ellipsis with a period). Unless it is a question, in which case, use an ellipsis and a question mark. Dashes are used when there is an interruption, or a hesitation. Of course, ellipses can also be used for hesitation, so...well.... What HMG usually does is think of ellipses as "soft" hesitation and dashes as "hard." If that makes any sense.
Example: Example 2: "But, Jim," Blair said, "I really thought you should know about...." Oh, what was the use? Jim wasn't listening. "Jim, I--I can't." Blair looked away.
Example 3: "Jim, look out! It's--"
- If you break your dialogue in the middle of a sentence, do not
capitalize the first word when you resume.
Example: "The problem," Jim said, "is that we don't know her."
Until recently, HMG herself was ignorant of this rule. As she forgives herself, so she forgives others for their lapses. She is trying very hard to remember this one.
As with exclamation points, be careful not to overuse dashes or ellipses. Most of the time, your characters should be able to finish their sentences.
Internal Dialogue
This is what you have when your character talks to himself in his head. There are various acceptable ways to indicate internal dialogue. The most common is italics.
Example: Second Example: Why am I so stupid? Blair thought. How could I have told Ellison he was a throwback to pre-civilized man?
Why am I so stupid? Blair shoved his hair back. How could I have told Ellison he was a throwback to pre-civilized man?
You can also use quotation marks, either double or single.
Example: "Brilliant, Sandburg," Blair thought. "You just drove your dissertation subject out of your life in under five minutes."
Using quotation marks requires treating the internal dialogue as though it were spoken out loud, with the same rules of punctuation and capitalization, and the ubiquitous "he thought" generally inserted somewhere in order to make it clear to your readers that the character is not, in fact, speaking aloud. Italics do not necessarily require "he thought," and can be intermingled with non-italicized actions, as shown.
It is not necessary to use any of the above to indicate internal dialogue. Quotation marks can be confusing, and the overuse of italics becomes not only annoying, but meaningless. Also, in these modern times, stories in html or e-mail often lose their italics (not to mention bolding, underlining, or any other fine and fancy indications of emphasis you may use). It is perfectly possible to indicate internal dialogue simply by changing tense, by wording the internal dialogue as you would spoken dialogue, or by changing from third to first (or second) person.
Example: Example 2: Why am I so stupid? Blair shoved his hair back. How could I have told Jim he was a throwback to pre-civilized man?
Why was he such an idiot? How could he have done that? Man, I've had it, now. Ellison's never gonna work with me. I'll be lucky if he doesn't rip my head off right here.
Example 3: God, he was so stupid! First, he lied to get Ellison in here, then he told him he was some kind of cave man. You idiot, Sandburg. You've completely blown it. Now what are you gonna do?