Names, Pronouns, and Descriptive
Phrases
As with "said," names are perfectly acceptable words. They
are useful, as they allow the readers to know whom you are talking about.
It is not necessary to find new and wonderful descriptive phrases to
identify your characters at every turn. Generally, their names do the
job.
Pronouns can be confusing, especially if everyone you are talking about
is of the same gender. If the pronouns are not enough, use the characters'
names to identify them. If the sentence is still confusing, rewrite
it. If this is not possible, then try a short descriptive phrase, but
only as a last resort. The rule is clarity above all else. If the readers
can follow the action, you are doing your job as a writer.
Bad Example: |
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Good Example: |
He grabbed his arm and slapped him. He struggled to raise his
bound hands.
|
Lash grabbed Blair's arm and slapped him. Blair struggled to
raise his bound hands.
|
Bad Example: |
|
Good Example (Lash's
POV): |
He grabbed his arm, lifted his hand, and slapped him
|
Lash grabbed Blair's arm, lifted his hand, and slapped the struggling
man.
|
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Good Example
(Blair's POV) |
Lifting his
hand, Lash grabbed Blair's arm and slapped him. |
Bad Example: |
|
Silly Example: |
He grabbed his arm and slapped him. Lifting his hair away from
his neck, he gagged him.
|
Lash grabbed Blair's arm and slapped him. Lifting Blair's hair
away from Blair's neck, Lash gagged Blair.
|
Good Example
(Lash's POV): |
|
Good Example
(Blair's POV): |
Lash grabbed
Blair's arm and slapped him. Lifting the brown curls away from Blair's
neck, he gagged the struggling man. |
Lash grabbed
Blair's arm and slapped him. Lifting the hair away from Blair's
neck, Lash gagged him. |
Why are the first examples from Lash's point of view? Because Blair
would not think of himself as "the struggling man," now, would
he?
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