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Names, Pronouns, Descriptive
Plurals, Numbers, and Apostrophes
Holy Mother Grammatica's Favorites
Many months have passed since HMG posted her first list of favorite
bloopers. Now, after exhausting research into fanfiction, sometimes
requiring HMG to read ten or more stories per day, a task so demanding
that, upon occasion, only HMG's tireless dedication to her work enabled
her to continue, she has at last compiled her second, far longer, list
of favorites, which she presents here for your entertainment and education.
She hopes you enjoy it, and thanks those discerning readers who were
kind enough to contribute to this second installment.
Just a reminder: HMG does not list author or title of story, and she
does not wish to know that information. Names of original characters
have been changed to protect the guilty. All examples are presented
as written, with the exception of one snippage, the occasional censoring
of naughty words, and the following, which have been altered at the
request of the author in whose work the mistakes were originally made:
Wrong Word There, Chief, numbers 5, 39a, 40, 41, 42, and 43.
Beta Readers? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Beta
- "I'm sure there's la great deal of material to work
Ah, ze French, zey are so clevair.
Just an extra letter: "a great deal of material"
- If you didn't change me, then you would have to watch me grow
old and die too, and I don't think I can't bear *that*.
I don't think I can't. In fact, I think I can!
Either "I don't think I can bear that" OR "I
can't bear that."
- Hans Solo waved and his image faded from Blair's private
screening to the STAR WARS theme.
In the German version of Star Wars.
- "I bet you're pretty tough, hanging out with the cops and
everything." the vice was smooth and rich.
That's the best kind of vice.
voice. And it's "The voice," as this is a new sentence.
- "There was one bag in his stomach and two others had already
moved into his bowls. "
Well, at least he got rid of those safely.
- Stealthily, he drew nearer to the bed, and the beautiful creature
that longed naked on the sheets.
His longing was unBAREable.
- Hands fumbling slightly, the older man pushed Blair's shirt
wide, scrapping his nipples along the way.
And where is Blair going to hang his nipple ring?
- Curling their bodies into one another, they feel asleep,
joined by a bond stronger than state or church.
So, does feeling asleep have the same benefits as actual sleeping?
Curling their bodies around one another, they fell asleep....
- Give me a break, you've been mopping around for weeks
now, half-heartedly participating in lovemaking, never initiating
it; I don't think we've just snuggled in ages and I refuse to ignore
Sure, but he's keeping the place clean.
- Jim reflects on the resent past, and makes some plans
for the future.
Jim didn't like his past, so he had it sent again.
- Blair might have stained his voice a little too much
earlier, but Jim was trying very hard not to look at his roommate.
Ah, but what color did he stain it?
- He couldn't take off and leave Brown alone, not when Smith could
easily put a pullet in the detective's head on his way past
Oh my God! It's a drive-by roosting!
bullet. But the image of a chicken penetrating Brown's head is rather
- "You remember when Brackett made us cross that mind field?"
Oh, wow, man, flashback!
- Blair looked, for all the world, like a figure from a pre-Ralphaelite
Also known as the pre-Kramden period. The older readers among you
will get that.
- It didn't matter how short or pudgy, thin or bald, buck-toothed
or acme scarred, they were.
Wow, those are some swell scars you've got there!
- Blair could here the pain and confusion in John's voice
and knew the man was most likely suffering from a concussion.
Here the pain, there the pain, everywhere the pain pain.
- When they hit the street, Jim saw laser sights tag him and Blair
in the chest, from opposite angels.
And even Heaven warred against them.
- "Chief, wait," he protested weekly before he
found himself hitting the bed.
Every week, the same old thing....
- Blair was striped and tied face down on the stone.
The fiends! Could they not have been merciful and polka-dotted
- A small heard of elk were grazing in the shady area,
eating grass casually, as if they had not a care in the world.
Oh, those elk. I've heard of them.
- "Then I went and enjoyed the army."
When Jim first realized he was bisexual....
Ahem. Jim joined the Army.
- "I'm threw talking, Ellison."
He really hurls those words.
through, of course
- Blair craned his neck to see what his was doing, but
Jim interposed a shoulder, shouting.
So, what was his doing? For that matter, what was his?
Should be "he," naturally.
- Echoing that, Jim lost his steady pace and began to thrust in
ernest, part of him unsure as to he was entering or entered.
But is Ernest happy about this?
- Short, too young to be anything more than a student - 26 if
he was a day - dressed in worm jeans and an oversized blue
shirt, long curly hair framing wide blue eyes.
Worm jeans?!? Ewwww, ick!
Just a typo, HMG is sure: "worn" jeans. While she is here,
dashes should be doubled hyphens without spaces between them and
the words. And please, no one is "twenty-six if he's a day,"
for two reasons. When one is estimating age, one generally does
it in multiples of five or ten, as in "He looks about twenty-five."
To be less specific, "He looks about mid-twenties." And
the saying "(insert age here) if he's a day" generally
implies that the subject is older than he is claiming to be.
- His heart rates came down and I'm guessing his blood
pressure is leveling out as we speak.
And how many hearts does he have?
rate." In addition, HMG thinks it highly unlikely that his
blood pressure "leveling out" is a good thing.
- The Sentinel's senses cam up, as did his body, like a
computer coming up from a screen saver.
So that's how they get those TS special effects shots!
One tiny letter: "came"
- He wasn't usually she about his body.
That's good. Wouldn't want to have any of that gender confusion
going on here.
though "she" is more interesting.
- I've seen Naomi walk out of two many relationships over
a few cross words.
Only two? If she gets that upset, wouldn't she have left at least
In yet another illustration of why a spellchecker just isn't enough,
this should be "too".
- The Guide began to move toying with her nipples while he trusted
It's so important to have a Guide you can trust.
The Guide began to move, toying with her nipples while he thrust
- "OK, I give, what does my flower apron have to do
Would Jim look better in orchids or daisies?
A "flower" apron is an apron actually made of flowers.
Jim's apron is "flowered", made of fabric printed with
- Blair was writing frantically now, his hips almost a
blur as he thrust upward into Jim's mouth and downward onto his fingers.
Blair's at it again. If I were Jim, I would definitely be insulted.
A common typo in TS slashfic. Should be "writhing".
- Sopping in front of him, Blair stared into his eyes, making
sure Jim was listening.
Blair's all wet.
Missing letter. "Stopping"
- What went trough you as you lay there, all alone and
And with thirsty horses trying to drink out of you....
Just another missing letter: "through"
- The Syndicat killed her.
Watch out! It's organized feline crime!
But you knew that, and so did the author.
- Jim heard him click his ballpoint men.
Ballpoint men are so much smoother than regular men.
Just a typo, but a good one! "pen", of course.
- "Copying mechanism?"
Yeah, you know, Jim, a xerox machine.
In fact, this was supposed to say "coping" mechanism.
- When he reached the head of the leaking (body part), he opened
wide enough to engulf the crown while craddling the balls in
To the best of HMG's knowledge, "craddling" is not a word,
but she rather wishes it were, as she can imagine it referring to
something to do with eggs. Perhaps this is a combination of "cradling"
(what the author really intended) and "coddling".
- "What's that supposed to me?"
Yeah, what do I care about that supposed?
Just two little letters: "mean".
- Then Blair saged against him all of a sudden, wrapping
his arms so tightly around Jim it nearly hurt.
Don't you get wise with me, Sandburg.
but saged is more fun.
- "I'll have Jim to protect me, man." he'd said, seeing
in the bog man's eyes his opinion of Jim's protective abilities.
Now, is that a nice thing to call Joel? For shame.
Just another little typo: "big" man.
- Rage shook his head.
Rafe was really really angry.
- Do you here me!
There's that primitive throwback/caveman sexual thing coming out
Or maybe that should have been "hear"?
- Pairings: Jim and Blair of coarse
Well, really, I know it's slash, but it doesn't have to be vulgar!
course", of course.
- Just then, Jim felt a presents at his side.
Ooo, what kind of presents? Birthday or Christmas?